i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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