i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
