dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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