You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
