I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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