you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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