i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
