oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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