I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize