Your face is a jimmy john
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
