She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
ttyl tear gas
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
