you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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