that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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