Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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