Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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