I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Small penises have feelings too.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
