Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
