HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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