I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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