he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize