Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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