He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
