no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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