so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
