1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everclear isn't food dammit
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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