It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
