:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
