Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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