i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
