If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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