No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
