Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
