You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
