Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
