At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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