omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm like, not good at living.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
