Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
