i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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