So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
