What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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