she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
