nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm gonna have a badass scar
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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