Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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