I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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