Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
