I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
