that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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