I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
