So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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