At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My dick has a subreddit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
