did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
