I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
