Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
