I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize