I heard we made out
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
