i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
