i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
