A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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