would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
