he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
