I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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