rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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