omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
