peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
