Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
