She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
