Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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